Well, I lost my job two days ago.  Wow!  It was a surprise, though I was not really too disappointed.  It has definitely had its challenges, chronic bronchial and sinus problems being one of the greatest (it is a fiberglass lamination facility…fumes and dust everywhere).

The thing is, I have been struggling with my career and life direction for a while, now.  I was a vocational minister many years ago and have had some leanings in that direction again.  Not wanting to jump where there was no safe landing…step out where there was no call or direction (I did that too many times in my youth as a minister) …I have been stymied in my understanding of what to do, where to go, how to think about it all.

Being 63 years of age and not really in the greatest financial condition to consider retirement, I had come to the place that I figured I would just work faithfully until 66, retire, and then pursue any options that the rest of my life might bring.  That is, until Monday.

Now what?  How do I look at this?  How do I think about it?  I could try to find a job and go back to work, but that may be easier said than done.  You see, I’m a Mechanical Design Engineer.  That means I design machines for manufacturing.  Yes, manufacturing, that thing that is going overseas at an alarming rate.  The industry is struggling at this time.  I just heard of another friend who recently got let go and another is worrying if it may happen to him.  Before I took my recent job four months ago, I had been looking for a job to little avail.  Today, it’s even harder for those of us who are a bit long in the tooth.  So, what to do?  How do I think about this?

Though, as I said, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would work to 66, then retire, I was still struggling with the feeling/urging to do something else, especially ministry related.  My wife and I had actually began praying about it.  We wanted to be in tune with God.  We wanted to be available.  We wanted to prepare and make ready for what He would work and whatever he would call to.  Then this.

I really love the story of Jesus walking on water and Peter saying, “if that is you, bid me come to you.” And, of course, Jesus said come.  I would like to believe that I would have what it takes to at least step out of the boat whether I floundered like Peter did later or not.  It seems, right now, that I have been shoved out of the boat.  Wow!  Again, how do I look at this?

Was I shoved out of the boat?  Was I thrown over the side like Jonah and even Paul?  Was I deliberately going the wrong direction and God had to move to get me in the water where He wanted me?  I don’t think I was being deliberately rebellious.  I, honestly, was seeking His direction.  The only thing I have been doing has been being quite cautious and sensible in the worldly meaning of the word.  I have jumped at what I considered “God’s callings” in the past, only to realize later that it was subconsciously more of what I wanted than what He wanted.  This caused me and my family some real hurt and pain.  I was also trying to be responsible with my finances and retirement.  We didn’t get much of a start on retirement planning in our earlier years as I was a small church pastor.  You know, the “we’ll keep him poor, God, you keep him humble” type?  So, our retirement isn’t going to be great by any means.  We would have to retire in a 3^rd World country to be considered middle class.

But, here I am.  63 years old, no job and prospects are iffy.  I am not one who believes that God necessarily did this, but I do trust that He’s got this and is at work in and through it.  When it comes to the chessboard of life, there is no move that He isn’t ready for.

So, what do I do?  I take that assurance and rest in it for now.  I pray.  I wait.  I keep my eyes open.  I listen for that still small voice…that gentle whisper that is definitely His and go from there.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

ST